a walk to be remember

Too many words left unsaid. Too many feelings were mixed. Too many wishes being made. Too much of hopes being scared. and all these were cramped in one mind and  being a push to the limit of this heart. Allah.... that is the exact and only word that will come out from your mouth when there is  no exact word can be made to explain every single ke-serabut-an ini your mind. Somehow, Day by days, I think im losing my self.. Looking back to the old me, That girl who is so excited and full of spirit looking for His love..and only thinking of becoming better slave.. Now.. So much frustation had occured.. so much desire need to be fill.. until this heart doesnt know her tuan anymore.. O Allah.. Please.. Bring me back to You.. 

3rd june 2017 After less than 2 weeks i got shocked by seeing my own beloved-fatherlike-uncle die in front of me, Today,I got another shocked by seeing my own father collapsed in front of me.. Siapa tak cuak tgk ayah sendiri tak sedarkan diri and foam keep going coming out from his mouth.. And again,i was a little bit late during the climax.. Allah.. my heart is too fragile for another lose.. Mak is call,dia nages..mak yam call,dia nages..jumpa uncle n mama,dua dua nages..i know bc everyone still in shock sbb arwah pakyud dulu..tapi aku..i just have to hold everything inside..until the time when you called,then i know i dont have to pretend that im strong and i can cry so hard like i want..

19th May 2017 this was the other date that could tear my heart into pieces.. the day when i lose you..forever.. [to my second dad] someone asked me,sbgai pengamal perubatan,what would u do, if u see one of your family member is dying and not in the hospital? would u try to save them? or will u let them 'go' properly? bc as medical team, u already know the emergency sign n symptoms but as a muslim, u also learn the symptom for a person that is having sakaratul maut.. yesterday was too sudden..a part of me wants to resuscitated him..part of me just trying to accept the facts that nothi ng can be done for a person that is having sakaratul maut..sakaratul maut itself is too painful for a person to bear it..apatah lg any compression on his body..and the best i can did was checking the pulse..as to confirm the time of death.. if it was written by Allah, nothing can stop it..tak akan terlewat walau sesaat..xkn tercepat walau sesaat..but im glad that He took you dlm

16th Jan 2017 this is the date which remarks the new journey of my life.. it was the date where i officially posted to start my new work as dental officer in klinik pergigian bandar maharani, muar. sedang tak sedang, it already been like 5 months already since i started working overhere.. things were as good until now. i ve meet so many new collegue over here. and im so grateful to Allah because He had put me with the people that are so kind to you. May more new happening memories will be potraits..

21th June 2016 this date is so heartbreaking for me as it was the date where i will leave Alexandria for good. like i used to say, Alexandria has taught me so much for the past 5 years when i was back there. i meet so many peoples that had taught so many things to me. in here also where i meet half of my soul.. it was so heartbreaking even i could barely speak or think about the memories back there.. it hurts me so much because im missing everything badly.. but life must go on..i realize that, in order to live better, we have to live in this present day.. and not in the past days..

13th June 2016 it was during Ramadan . and im still in Alex. so busy preparing myself to grab as many memories i could make before back for good to malaysia. and after terawih, i received a viber call from malaysia. it was from cop. by the time i received the call, i knew that sometimes bad is happening. and yes, it is to inform that Atuk had died that night. she has been suffering for years laying in the bed. and i redha and grateful for Him to took her in Ramadan. walaupun dalam hati terselit rasa ralat kerana tidak dapat bertemu dengan buat kali terakhir. i was one of her cucu yang paling rapat dengannya. and i still remember bilamana dia sanggup untuk ikut to airport, just bc she still wanna sent me to Alex eventhough she was on wheelchair on that time. may Allah bless you and put u among rightneous person. Allahuma ameen.

bismillah. today is 2nd of June 2017. it was the day where i decided to to start writing again because i think memories are starting to fade of. so, in order to let the memories stay with me, i will froze the memories into this blog. so that eventhough i get old by times, all of these memories will always remains close in my heart. let start with the big G-day in my life. The graduation day that occured in 3rd of June 2016. Alhamdulillah, i was finally graduated from Alexandria Uni with bachelor of dental surgery with flying colors. All these five years back in Alex had taught me so much. Who knows that this journey that Allah puts me in had totally changed me a lot. where i really thankful for Him to put me in this journey. which i believed had changed me from good to better. (still aim for becoming best in person thou) been missing everyone back then. i pray that i will return to Alex. soon perhaps. ameen