broken wing

Too many words left unsaid.
Too many feelings were mixed.
Too many wishes being made.
Too much of hopes being scared.
and all these were cramped in one mind and 
being a push to the limit of this heart.

that is the exact and only word that will come out from your mouth when there is  no exact word can be made to explain every single ke-serabut-an ini your mind.
Day by days,
I think im losing my self..

Looking back to the old me,
That girl who is so excited and full of spirit looking for His love..and only thinking of becoming better slave..

So much frustation had occured..
so much desire need to be fill..
until this heart doesnt know her tuan anymore..

O Allah..
Please.. Bring me back to You..

Story of my life - part VI

3rd june 2017

After less than 2 weeks i got shocked by seeing my own beloved-fatherlike-uncle die in front of me,
Today,I got another shocked by seeing my own father collapsed in front of me..
Siapa tak cuak tgk ayah sendiri tak sedarkan diri and foam keep going coming out from his mouth..
And again,i was a little bit late during the climax..

my heart is too fragile for another lose..

Mak is call,dia nages..mak yam call,dia nages..jumpa uncle n mama,dua dua nages..i know bc everyone still in shock sbb arwah pakyud dulu..tapi aku..i just have to hold everything inside..until the time when you called,then i know i dont have to pretend that im strong and i can cry so hard like i want..

story of my life - part V

19th May 2017
this was the other date that could tear my heart into pieces.. the day when i lose you..forever..

[to my second dad] someone asked me,sbgai pengamal perubatan,what would u do, if u see one of your family member is dying and not in the hospital? would u try to save them? or will u let them 'go' properly? bc as medical team, u already know the emergency sign n symptoms but as a muslim, u also learn the symptom for a person that is having sakaratul maut.. yesterday was too sudden..a part of me wants to resuscitated him..part of me just trying to accept the facts that nothing can be done for a person that is having sakaratul maut..sakaratul maut itself is too painful for a person to bear it..apatah lg any compression on his body..and the best i can did was checking the to confirm the time of death.. if it was written by Allah, nothing can stop it..tak akan terlewat walau sesaat..xkn tercepat walau sesaat..but im glad that He took you dlm keadaan yg plg mul…

story of my life - part IV

16th Jan 2017

this is the date which remarks the new journey of my life..
it was the date where i officially posted to start my new work as dental officer
in klinik pergigian bandar maharani, muar. sedang tak sedang, it already been like 5 months already since i started working overhere..

things were as good until now. i ve meet so many new collegue over here. and im so grateful to Allah because He had put me with the people that are so kind to you. May more new happening memories will be potraits..

story of my life - part III

21th June 2016

this date is so heartbreaking for me as it was the date where i will leave Alexandria for good.
like i used to say, Alexandria has taught me so much for the past 5 years when i was back there.
i meet so many peoples that had taught so many things to me.
in here also where i meet half of my soul..
it was so heartbreaking even i could barely speak or think about the memories back there..
it hurts me so much because im missing everything badly..

but life must go on..i realize that, in order to live better, we have to live in this present day..
and not in the past days..

story of my life - part II

13th June 2016

it was during Ramadan . and im still in Alex.
so busy preparing myself to grab as many memories i could make before back for good to
malaysia. and after terawih, i received a viber call from malaysia.
it was from cop. by the time i received the call, i knew that sometimes bad is happening.
and yes, it is to inform that Atuk had died that night.

she has been suffering for years laying in the bed. and i redha and grateful for Him to took her in Ramadan. walaupun dalam hati terselit rasa ralat kerana tidak dapat bertemu dengan buat kali terakhir. i was one of her cucu yang paling rapat dengannya. and i still remember bilamana dia sanggup untuk ikut to airport, just bc she still wanna sent me to Alex eventhough she was on wheelchair on that time.

may Allah bless you and put u among rightneous person.
Allahuma ameen.

story of my life - part I


today is 2nd of June 2017. it was the day where i decided to to start writing again because i think memories are starting to fade of. so, in order to let the memories stay with me, i will froze the memories into this blog. so that eventhough i get old by times, all of these memories will always remains close in my heart.

let start with the big G-day in my life. The graduation day that occured in 3rd of June 2016.

Alhamdulillah, i was finally graduated from Alexandria Uni with bachelor of dental surgery with flying colors. All these five years back in Alex had taught me so much. Who knows that this journey that Allah puts me in had totally changed me a lot. where i really thankful for Him to put me in this journey. which i believed had changed me from good to better. (still aim for becoming best in person thou)

been missing everyone back then. i pray that i will return to Alex. soon perhaps. ameen

“ Seberapa yakin kau pada Tuhanmu ?”

Perihal Hidup,Ujian dan Rasa
          Mereka kata, hidup ini suatu perjalanan.Perjalanan daripada Tuhan menuju kembali kepada Tuhan . Perjalanan mencari erti hidup yang punya erti. Erti yang membina diri. Bukan sekadar makan,minum,hidup dan mati. Bukan sekadar diri sendiri, tetapi diri seorang muslim sejati. Tetapi satu perkara yang perlu kau sedari, dalam mencari erti hidup sebagai seorang muslim itu bukan sekadar mudahnya saat lafaz alif ba ta atau semudah bilangan satu dua tiga. Tetapi perjalanan yang punyai erti itu perlu dibayar agar kau dapat belajar apabila kau telah rasa.
          Saat kau terduduk selepas terngadah, terdiam , terpaku kerna ujianNya, saat itu tanya pada jiwa, apakah benar diri dibaluti cinta dan yakin padaNya? Ya aku tidak tahu apa yang kau rasa. Ya aku tidak berdiri pada tempat yang kau ada. Tetapi, tahukah engkau yang aku juga punya cerita? Dan boleh jadi , aku yang lebih menanggung rasa. Saat ini sekadar untuk buat kau sedar, yang kau dan aku diuji kerna k…

coretan itu

Carilah ‘senyum’ dalam tangismu,
carilah ‘upaya’ dalam sakitmu, carilah ‘bahagia’ dalam lukamu.
Carilah ketenangan untuk hati agar jiwamu mudah sembuh!  Biar disakiti,biar dilukai dan tidak dipandang tinggi. Siapa tahu hatimu diajar,dilentur dan dipujuk olehNya  dari ‘cara orang sekitar melayan dirimu.
Mereka-mereka bisa memperlakukan semahu mereka pada kita, tapi jangan pernah lupa akan Penimbang Tara yang di atas sana, Yang Maha Melihat setiap tangismu, Yang Maha Mendengar setiap keluhmu.
Mungkin memang kadang kita dibiarkan Tuhan untuk berjalan sendirian,  hanya untuk meyakinkan bahwa Dia-lah  satu-satunya yang tidak pernah meninggalkan kita, yang setia menemani kita.
Hati yang terbuka akan membuat kita lebih mudah menerima setiap keadaan,  senang ataupun sedih.  Dan kunci untuk membuka hati adalah sangkaan yang baik,  percaya,  bahwa ini yang terbaik dan insya Allah membaikkan.

“Janganlah membuatmu putus asa dalam mengulang-ulang doa,  ketika Allah menunda ijabah doa itu. Dialah yang…

dear heart

Allah knows what your silent heart wants. 
Even if you don’t include it in your prayers.
He hears what your heart whispers. 
He may not give it to you now but someday,
when you least expect it, 
things will happen in the best possible way.

" But, what if every single stumble, every challenge, every experience in our life was only intended for one purpose: to bring us back to our origin? What if every win, every loss, every beauty, every fall, every cruelty, and every smile was only intended to unveil another barrier between us and God? Between us and where we began, and where we are desperately seeking to return? "

- Yasmin Mogahed -

As we journey these untraveled roads of life,  faith & prayer are crucial.  we used to forget that HE listens to our spoken & unspoken words.. It’s easy to thank Allah in good times. 
The hard part is thanking in tough times. 
Everything is for our good. 
Trust Allah.

"If one of you makes it his goal to remove a mountain, and he has trust in Allah…

dan malam ini kita semua menangis..

Dengan nama Allah ,  Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Mengasihani. Terlalu banyak kata yang tidak dapat diungkapkan.. terlalu banyak rasa yang dipendamkan.. tiada siapa yang amik peduli.. tiada siapa yang sudi utk mengetahui.. hanya Dia yang sudi menjadi peneman sepanjang hari.. setiap saat mahupun tika.. Allah.. Duhai Tuhan.. saat ini.. tika ini.. terlalu berat rasa yang ditanggung di dada ini.. hanya air mata yang mampu mengalir kuar tanpa sebutir kata terungkap di bibir.. Allah.. angkatkanlah rasa sedih dan berat yang menekan hati ini.. dan gantikanlah ia dgn kebahagiaan dan ketenangan dpd MU.. Sungguh.. Tuhan.. aku merayu.. jangan di uji diri ini lebih dpd kemampuan ku.. kerna sungguh..
Aku .. lemah..