The dream

The dream.beautiful.but sad.

i know,i have to be strong against this sickness..but being far away from family for a long time is already hard,apatah lagi bila kita dalam keadaan kesakitan..

i thought i'm fine.

i thought that i'm strong enough to facing this alone.

but i was wrong.

complete wrong.

and the dream  had make me realize how the person you love is needed especially when 

your mental and physical are totally breakdown.

never thought that this sickness could be this far.

the pains.

the tears.

the sacrifices that are needed for it.

sakit yang dulu kini telah merebak.

it has been confirmed by the two orthopedic docs..

kalau sebelum ni hanya bermain sekitar lower limb,

but now,

it's getting up to the upper limb.

along the spinal column.

plus,the pain is double.

all the running,jogging for hours,mountain climbing,travelling,silat,the activity that

i used to say as 'my thing',

right now,

is kinda immposible to that..

it's not my thing anymore.

even the normal distance of walking is getting hard for me.

the severity to get pain while sitting on any position for a short period is getting high.

the immune system is getting low.

the tears is double.

the money is double.

the times double.

the sacrifice is double.

people say,

i must be strong.

yeah i know that.

that's the most common phrase that people used to said to me when they knew that.

i had heard it over and over again.

since i got the first disease.

it has been like for 6 years.

but i'm only human.

with several feeling.

sometimes i feel like i'm strong.

so strong.

feeling like i can beat this disease at any times.

but sometimes i dont.

and i just can get really tired of this pain.

really tired.

and people doesnt know that.

at all.

but He knows.

He knows all the times.

and i know that He must not do this for nothing.

and i should know that Dia bagi sesuai dgn kemampuan kita.

as He said,

"Allah tidak memberati seseorang melainkan apa yang terdaya olehnya."

- Al-Baqarah | 286 -

and because of You,

i remain strong.

because of You,

i choose to stay positive.

because of You,

i keep moving foward,

knowing that at the end,

it's all worth it.

knowing that You will always watching me from above.

knowing that You always there,

to take a good care of me.

to catch me when i fall.

to accompanied me when i alone.

to persuade me when i'm sad.

please,

Allah..

dont leave me alone..

as i'm just a weak slave..

and knowing that You always be with me,

it is just more than enough.

'' Dan demi sesungguhnya, Kami telah mencipta manusia dan Kami sedia mengetahui apa yang dibisikkan oleh hatinya, sedang (pengetahuan) Kami LEBIH DEKAT kepadanya daripada urat lehernya..''

- Qaaf ; 16 -

“Hati yang terbuka akan membuat kita lebih mudah menerima setiap keadaan, senang ataupun sedih. Dan kunci untuk membuka hati adalah sangkaan yang baik, percaya, bahwa ini yang terbaik dan insya Allah membaikkan.”

- Akhi   Achmad Lutfi -

and i'm thankful enough for every single things that occur in my life.

there are a lot of event that happen to me which i can't change with money.

with all the sins that i did to You,

You still pour Your blessing to me.

and grant every wishes that i pray for it.

You give me the best family i ever had.

You keep meeting me with the best peoples.

who had thought me the best lesson of life.

You put me in the best place for my tarbiah.

which change me.

a lot.

and better.

You even make my dream comes true of becoming a dentist.

in 3 years more insyaAllah..

'' Maka yang mana satu di antara nikmat-nikmat Tuhan kamu,

yang kamu hendak dustakan? ''

- Ar Rahman ; 16 -

for that,

i thanked You My Lord..

dan kerna itu juga,

aku redha atas segala ketentuanMu..

moga Engkau redha atas diriku..

it's just i just miss my mum and dad so much..

the family..

lebih2 lagi dalam keadaan sakit begini..

dan mimpi itu dtg lagi..

mimpi utk bersama dengan ahli keluarga..

dan tanpa kawalan,

diri ini teresak-esak usai sedar dari mimpi itu..

knowing that i will always miss,love and pray for each of you..

from alexandria with love...